my gift of goodbye

I recently left a chapter of transition in my life. I left my job, the city I lived in, and a lot of baggage behind. It was a beautiful move. I’m so very happy and feeling settled…It reminded me of my gift of goodbye! I talked about my gift of goodbye a couple years ago, before I began to blog, and as I read it today, nothing has changed. I still have the gift of goodbye and I always will. Incase you haven’t read it, I wanted to share it with you & if you have read it, I hope that you either get something new from it or let it refresh you on the beauty in goodbye.


Wednesday, March 31, 2011

out of the blue, one cold night, many moons ago…someone once told me i had the gift of goodbye. ok…it wasn’t THAT long ago, it was in undergrad and the diagnosis wasn’t THAT random.  i had just survived a string of break-ups, one with a very close friend and another with a serious boyfriend. and as i sat in my friend’s room, looking for support and all the right words, she told me…”you have the gift of goodbye.” she said i was able to just walk away from someone or something with out thinking twice. i was hurt by this diagnosis…what kind of gift is being able to say goodbye?! of all the gifts god gives, this….is what i get?! how is “goodbye” a gift, more like a curse! i had the “curse of goodbye!”

as i got older, i would watch myself, like an outer body experience, exercising the “curse of goodbye.” one serious boyfriend after another, dwindling down my gaggle of friends to a tiny circle, till i was left with few. that dam curse! where did it come from? was it nature or nurture? was i cold and numb, void of feeling? was this a reflection of my absentee father, my indirect way of re-creating the isolation i felt growing up as halfie among the the pale faces? was it a protection method? as you can tell, i’m extremely self-aware and analytical (and slightly sarcastic). my experience and education as a social worker has me constantly keeping tabs on my issues as not to project, so i’m always self-evaluating and re-self-evaluating. as i turned 30, i acknowledged what was always there, what was diagnosed in that tiny dorm room by someone who really did know me, who knew my heart was genuine and strived for one thing only, happiness; i had the “gift of goodbye.”

some may think that this gift is painful or sad, but in all honesty, its the most freeing of all my god-given gifts. and like any other gift, the more i exercise it, the more perfected the gift becomes. its now so easy to read the gift. its a feeling, i trust myself and my gift. this isn’t a feeling based in fear; the fear of pain, loss, or the unknown. this is a gift. a gift based in happiness. i am in a devout search for happiness. i am striving to be the happiest, purest expression of love i can be. life is so very short, when i’m with someone or doing something, i ask myself, if i died in 2 hours, would i be happy with how i spent my last moments. the answer is so telling of how i really feel about what i’m doing in life. when i say goodbye to someone, something, or some feeling, i am not only saying goodbye, i am also saying hello! Hello to the opportunity for a higher level of happiness. i know its out there and i know its meant for me. i must have faith it exists, be strong enough to look for it, and believe i deserve it….and i do, i am, i do!

and so everyday i’m exercising my gift. everyday i say goodbye to someone who isn’t the best for me anymore, or to a situation that isn’t the best for me anymore, or to a feeling that isn’t best for me anymore. there is no sadness, no pain, no love lost, no anger harbored, no ill-wishes wished. just goodbye. and hello. and so when i see myself today, i no longer question my gift and i no longer see a few friends and love ones. i see how blessed i am and i see the chosen few.  the chosen few who continue to provide me with the highest level of happiness.

so today i say goodbye, and as always its bittersweet. and today i say hello, and as always its beautiful. cheers to my gift.


my cup runneth over…it always does!

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Kenya Raymer is a writer, blogger, dancer and the hostess of the natural-hair meet up Curls & Cocktails. She is a self-love enthusiast who uses her natural-hair platform as a space to discuss hair and all things beautiful & real. She is loving in Nashville, TN, where she promotes the local eats, animal rescue, self-awareness, personal growth, happiness and finding comfort in your own skin.

23 thoughts on “my gift of goodbye

      1. I say yes because I am a Sag and say goodbye easy. But ironically my second guess was going to be a Scorpio because I am a Sag/Scorpio cusp baby…I have a tendency to have traits from both and sometimes I don’t know which trait would be for what sign. My mom is a Scorpio..she says goodbye and never looks back.

      2. I just knew you were a scorpio, it’s almost as if you live in my head, I am a scorpio with a sag moon 🙂

  1. Oh wow…as a “multi girl” myself I was told I had to follow you on instagram. Then I saw your post today that led me to this entry and I swear you also have the gift of attraction…These were THE words I needed to read today. I swear in the last two years I’ve said goodbye too too many times and I thought something was wrong with me, but you’re right. It’s an opportunity to say hello to happiness. I’ll have to use your logic from now on “If I died soon would I be okay with how I spent those last two hours” It’s time to say my goodbyes…

  2. You are wise beyond your years! I’m an “old” curly girl (some bad hair cuts and an argument with a college boyfriend lead to my “transition”). I love to see so many ladies embracing their natural beauty. It gives me hope that my babies will grow up loving their curly, brown selves just as they are! I love your writing! Keep on inspiring people to be bold & choose happiness…always!

  3. Because I don’t believe anything is meant to last forever, I always find myself saying goodbye. I started seeing it as a bad thing but you just changed my mind. Thank you for this piece.

  4. Reblogged this on nLysted and commented:
    This post relates to a few situations that has occurred in m lifey, something I’ve been dealing with. There are moments when I know my brain is telling that something or someone’s time has expired and no longer serves my life, but my heart silently whispers “but, I’m not ready.” Learning to accept and embrace the gift of goodbye is very challenging, but saying goodbye is not only a loss, it’s a gain. A gain of opportunity to allow something or someone to increase your level of happiness. -nishalynnette xo

  5. Ok so seriously. In dire need. I want to quit my job. I’m a teacher….and it is STRESSFUL. I’ve told myself a million and a half times that I’m goin to quit. I truly believe that in order for me to get where I need to be I need to let this go. I have a gift for it….but I def wouldin’t say a passion. I can’t say I’ve been looking for a sign or anything….but I def related to this post. *claps* excellently written. I know I “shouldn’t” leave 1 job without another but I’m reeeeeaaaalllllyyy not happy :/ Welp. Just wanted to get that off my chesticles. Lol. Here’s to the gift of goodbyes 🙂

    1. I have been here before and O think that sometimes you have to step out on Faith! Not saying to leave your job without another one but I made sure I had a good savings account because I felt like walking out on my job so many times and I kept looking for other jobs while I was trying to get out of that job!! Good luck!!

  6. Great post! I can identify completely but as a Leo with a fixed personality,goodbyes are genereally not even attempted and when they are initiated by me, they can be abrupt, filled with angst and regret for it having done it sooner. No more. I will say goodbye and with ease and confidence after having read this! Sometimes, goodbye is in order and it just can’t be worked out or waited out. Lesson learned. I follow you on IG too!

  7. I needed to read this! It was a pleasure meeting you in person in Atlanta for the Mane Love Affair and your spirit is just so positive.

    I actually have a hard time with goodbyes as if I cared and loved you, and happen to part ways it bothers me. I love human connections so I hate when they get lost…but I love your analogy on every goodbye is also hello!

    Hello to new people, opportunities and experiences that’s going to make me happy, and saying goodbye helps in that process. There is a reason for goodbyes even if it hurts hellos should heal them.

    Thanks for opening up!

    – Kiwi the Beauty

  8. I just came across your instagram page and your hair and sense of sarcasm led me to your page! Love this post, I recently had a conversation with my close friend about this same thing and like you I didn’t realize this was a gift. As I look at other friends who can’t seem to let go of relationships that aren’t bringing them happiness, I know I have the gift of goodbye! Looking forward to reading more of your posts!!

    Your fellow natural halfie 🙂

  9. I unfortunately am not so good at saying goodbye!! I have a really hard time saying bye to jobs that Are not healthy or fulfilling to me!! I wish I didn’t hang on so long when its clear I need to move on!!

  10. This is amazing, love this post. I say goodbyes easy usually and say hello to the happiness, except for one. I’m 44, it seems as I get older it’s harder. But like you I just wanna be happy.

  11. I may be a little late reading this post, but I believe it was my season to see it. This is such a beautiful word of encouragement. Often times as we struggle to understand the purpose, gifts, or callings in our life we find ourselves wondering why things are a certain way. I have come to realize that I need to stop focusing on the “why.” I have wondered why for so long in my life that I could not enjoy the “what.” The what in my life is “what” I was becoming and “what” I was capable of accomplishing. The what for me is taking me to my destiny. I am forgetting or “exercising my gift of goodbye” and pressing towards the mark of the high calling!

  12. Wow. This is exactly how I’ve always felt but some people have made me question my gift. Thanks for sharing.

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