#PregnancyRageIsReal

Given my history, I really thought that being pregnant was going to be the happiest time of my life. I thought each day was going to be happier than the last, that the selfies and bumpies were going to be endless, and that I would be flooding your social media with ridiculous stories of how the flowers smell even better now that I’m pregnant! So ridiculous, I’m aware. The truth, I am over the moon about being pregnant and having a baby. Every day, I’m more grateful than the last and that we have made it this far, and each day I’m asking for more… one more day, one more week, one more month, please let this be it. The magic of the moment is not lost on me.

The pregnancy itself… well, that is a different story. The hormones, compounded with some serious family drama, definitely have me living on the dark side of the moon. And, if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, now you know. As it turns out, the dark side does not share our republicans’ staunch views on immigration and I have been welcomed with open arms. I am so evil that I have been given permanent residency with a pimped out condo and a flourishing garden of darkness. Kenya, resident evil!

evil
Pretty sure this is the glow everyone is referring to
Even when the symptoms are my usual and mild: can’t breathe, ever (congestion), can’t sleep, ever (bloating coupled with extremely vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams), and tired, so. so. so very tired… I still do not feel like myself and I still do not feel, happy. The smallest things set me off and I live in that space of rage for longer than I care to admit and for longer than I want to. Pregnant Kenya (aka resident evil) is mean and mad. So. so. so damn mad.

I thought that I would be this annoyingly happy asshole

bumpies

Nope, just an asshole…

pregnancy rage

I have been joking since the day I knew that I was knocked up, I am experiencing high levels of pregnancy rage today (everyday) people! I am talking about an anger that escalates to blackout status within seconds. I am experiencing an anger that turns every moment into an episode of Love and Hip Hop. Turns out, I am not alone and that pregnancy rage is real. So real that it has it’s own hashtag #pregnancyrageisreal.

Screen Shot 2017-03-16 at 5.26.06 PM

shocked

I’m no angel, by any means! You could take one look at my Instagram stories and know that your girl has a soft spot for a nasty rant, but in general, I am a happy person. I like to make other people happy and I like to annoy people by sharing how ridiculously happy I am! Wait, that might be evil… either way, it really makes me happy and I want to do it again. I want to be happy again. Not only do I no longer want to be a victim (who leaves a string of victims… yikes!) of pregnancy rage because it doesn’t feel good, I also don’t want to experience any of the very real side effects of pregnancy rage: premature birth, a problematic birth, low birth weight, or infant mortality.

So, I have taken my own advice: take care of you. And, the first thing I did was cut off people who were making me unhappy. Yes, even family. If you have been around for a while you know that I view all relationships the same. Familial, romantic, platonic, and professional relationships are all treated the same, and anyone can get it. If you are keeping me from my goal of Happy, then I have no choice but to exercise my gift of goodbye and keep it moving. The second thing I did was remove myself from Instagram.

panic
I can’t be the only one who watches the Big Bang Theory
Drastic, I know! I am in week 3 of my Instagram sabbatical, and I am loving it. Many have linked my social media disappearance to something awful happening to me or the baby, but that’s not the case at all. Baby Raymer and I are doing great, we have an official bump, and I think this week s/he started to hear dear mother curse with the best of them! James is still nesting hard AF and Walli is enjoying the small bursts of winter. Minus my everyday acts of evil, my little family is still pretty dreamy and overall, my life is still pretty fucking amazing.

Social media can be a wonderful place, where people find their voice, where strangers connect, and where people see a bit of themselves in others and then maybe they don’t feel so alone. It can also be a place where we find inspiration and strength from identifying with someone else’s journey or where we find new friendship or maybe even a partner for life! Social media is a place where anything is possible.

All of this rings true for me, and is largely how I’ve built my following. The journey of gaining a large following on Instagram has been a crazy but truly rewarding experience, and on most days I am consumed with gratitude and I love it. But, I would be lying if I didn’t admit there are days and sometimes weeks, where I need a break from the unsolicited advice and opinions, the requests for more information than is already being over-shared, and the overwhelming lack of boundaries. I know, such is the nature of social media and it has been something that I have been wildly successful at managing. Unfortunately, the nature of social media is no match for the pregnant beast that I have become, and so I left before I dropped a diss track colder than shETHER, in my comments. I will be back to IG when I am back to an attitude of gratitude and I can play nice with others.

petty
current status: not so nice
The last thing I forced myself to do, was move past the fear and start nesting. I haven’t wanted to baby shop, journal, or prepare in any way, out of fear that all those things would become physical reminders should a  worst case scenario become real. I ended up purchasing some gender-neutral onesies and everything else became much easier. I started to fill in the baby book my Rosie sent, I created a registry and even put a couple of items on it, I began journaling this week, and now I’m creating hella playlists! I am currently prepared with a PUSH soundtrack, lullabies, and songs that are 100% guaranteed to make me cry.

I don’t think any or all of this will totally rid me of pregnancy rage. It couldn’t possibly… hello, I’m a walking sack of hormones!

hormones
she cray

But, it is helping me manage them and it is making apologizing become something I do less than pee… a victory I will gladly take. If you’re experiencing pregnancy rage, you’re not crazy. Well, you kinda are, but you are not alone!

  1. Take a moment, to pee, and then identify your triggers and create real ways to avoid them.
  2. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. I once tried to convince my husband that I really needed to exercise my 2nd amendment right, but I really just needed a nap.
  3. Find at least three go to meals that don’t make you want to vomit, roll your eyes, or throw shit. And when you get a burst of energy, meal prep them! This will help prevent any homicides, in and around your home.
  4. Drink the water. I know, it’s hard because you can’t stop peeing, but the water will help manage symptoms like headaches and cramps, which escalate moments of irritation. You know, like when your partner is breathing.
  5. Find a soothing activity and do it for as long as you can. You could journal, listen to music, or even create a purge list. I’m talking about a list of people… that you would gladly murder. #Wooosah
  6. And if none of this is working, talk to your doctor and get some help. Your mental health is as important to baby as your physical health. Make it a priority and take care of you.

xok

Posted by

Kenya Raymer is a writer, blogger, dancer and the hostess of the natural-hair meet up Curls & Cocktails. She is a self-love enthusiast who uses her natural-hair platform as a space to discuss hair and all things beautiful & real. She is loving in Nashville, TN, where she promotes the local eats, animal rescue, self-awareness, personal growth, happiness and finding comfort in your own skin.

32 thoughts on “#PregnancyRageIsReal

  1. 100% real and I expected nothing less. Thank you for sharing your POV, and although I miss your IV posts, I am so happy you & your family are well and you’ve created a safe, peaceful space for yourself. Blessings!

  2. Omg Kenya! So sad to see you go but superrr happy for you! Do what you gotta do love! Hope to see you come back soon! I know you’re rocking the baby bump and dancing around everywhere! Best wishes to you and your family! 💚💚💚

  3. This is awesome and as always I’m not surprised at how absolutely honset u are and I admire that. Take care of u, rest up and be well…. anxiously waiting for ur return to social media but completely understand the need to stay Way. Your loyal followers will be here when u return.

  4. I had a tinge of pregnancy rage with my first pregnancy also. Apparently I was a total bitch, to the point that my new coworkers did not like me at all. I even made one of them cry! Fortunately, after I gave birth, my personality went back to normal, and I gained a few new friends. Hang in there. Think of it as being a protective mama bear, willing to tear anyone daring to cross your path into shreds! I can’t wait to see your return to IG, hopefully with some #tbt pics of the bump. Love and light!

  5. Girlllllllll,,,I am glad you are ok but I thought you blocked me for a second! I had to jump on my second,alterego spy alternative instagram page and make sure. lol. I had post partum and probably pre partum too but not rage. Babydaddyrage is another story Grrrrrr! But this too shall pass, it is def hormones, and you don’t get that glow till like 7 months anyway 😉 Feel better and thanks for your openness. Cant wait till you come back!

  6. I feel very guilty that I’m not over the moon happy because I’ve been so miserably Pregnant. My husband said that turned into a thug now that I’m pregnant LOL hormones are real the glow I have a got to that point yet. I live in a constant state of being overwhelmed with the whole process but I’m so very thankful that I was chosen to go through this process . I would love to find a group of expecting moms because I feel like it’s important to share these moments between each other because I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not normal but it’s nice to see that someone else is also a pregnant thug LOL

  7. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy to hear that you are doing ok healthwise! I was concerned when you disappeared from IG. Thanks for taking the time out to still offer words of wisdom to those who may be pregnant, and also those who may be trying to conceive. Take care of you and your beautiful family!

  8. Thank you for sharing. You’re definitely not alone. My friend had her first child last summer and experienced the same thing. She too felt duped by how the media and others portray pregnancy. She was not a happy camper and all I could do was be a listening ear and support her how she needed me to. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you and hope the experience becomes more enjoyable. Love and light 💚✨

  9. Omg when I was first preggo, I decided then, if it will not make me a happy mom then it gots to go. Keeping that mental right! Girl! It is so important as a mom during pregnancy and after. I feel u boo! Team Non Fear in da the buildannnng! I’m glad ur doing good. Ur body is so intelligent when she’s pregnant. She’s building. She’s creating! ❤ I was wondering where ya were. Went over to ur boo’s page and saw his update. Feds ain’t got nothing on a black woman. We will find you! Lol I’ll be reading to see that sweet baby 😊. Love the gifs 😂😂😂😂 u are hilarious!

  10. Happy u are doing *fine (your husband’s second trimester post was very appreciated) and I’m so sorry to give advice but the pharmacist in me won’t let me not: netipot for congestion. Homeopathic, no drugs, just a saline nasal rinse. Xoxo Brittany (@drmemyself_i)

  11. You are hilarious and your GIF’s were on point. Lolol. Hang in there girlie. Peace and blessings to you and the bump.

  12. I am so glad that you and the bambino are doing well. For some weird/strange/inexplicable reason you’ve have been heavily on my mind and in my thoughts. I swear I’m the mommy whisperer.

    I’ve never heard of pregnancy rage, but I for sure had it. I hated being pregnant. One weekend, I literally ran away from home. (I was insane!) When my water broke 2 weeks before my due date, I boo-hoo cried because I didn’t want my baby to be born under the sign of Gemini. (Insane!) I was huge and I was NOT cute–never got the glow. But nearly two years later, I am so happy and busy being somebody’s mommy I very rarely think about the craziness of pregnancy. Take care of yourself and try to be nice to your husband as much as possible. Can’t wait to read about all of your adventures!

  13. my TL misses you !!!! But I’m glad I could check up on you here! And peek in on your journey a little. You’ve crossed my mind more than once in the last few days! The hormones sure take you places on the journey to motherhood but they too serve their purpose, you have the feels for two!!! Don’t let your self get too hungry or tired or too heavy -with love @villagemomjess

  14. Hi Kenya, I thought of you this morning, went to IG and realized I hadn’t seen you on my feed because you’re gone! But I am happy to have come here and see that you are alive and well despite your pregnancy rage. Miss you. Take care.

    Candy

  15. Okay, forreal, I do not share my feelings online. I just finished my first trimester with my third unplanned pregnancy with my husband. He is wonderful, our kids are awesome, but pregnancy sucks. I have so much fear because my second was a preemie that had a month NICU stay that was beyond hard on me. I’m not even sure why I’m sharing now, but your honesty about how you feel vs. your end goal resonate with me. On one hand I feel guilty for not necessarily “wanting” to be pregnant (mostly out of fear) but selfish because so many other women want this without knowing ALL that comes with it. My anxiety is through the roof (I probably need a nap) and I feel like everyone deserves “they head bust open to the white meat” (probably cause I’m hangry, but too nauseous to eat) . Since I’ve been down this road, your advice is spot on, but even now the road seems scary. I guess I’m just glad you let all the honesty out, because I needed it. It seems no on talks openly about how much it can really suck and make it seem everything should be peaches and cream. I do know that motherhood is cool as hell, so that part I’m fully okay with. Anyway, you are awesome my bump buddy. Take care

  16. Let me say this. You are every bit of my Scorpio (sister in my head lol). I hope you receive this as it’s intended purpose I applaud you for keeping you first. Yes that sounds trivial and easy as hell but it’s not. We as women naturally give to every person, project, task way before we do our selves. And often times sadly it happens when we’ve neglected ourselves so much already. Do you Kenya. I am not a mother so I can’t relate to what you are experiencing but my own mother did for EVERYONE first and herself last. I believe in my heart if she took care of herself first she’d still be here. That’s one of the lessons I learned from her passing if you don’t take care of yourself first you won’t be here to do for others. Thank you for your honesty and strength and I wish you happiness and blessings!

  17. Just swinging by to say that I’m glad to hear you’re doing well, in spite of the pregnancy rage. I must admit, I do miss seeing you in my instagram feed, but totally understand why you need a break. I can’t imagine how overwhelming and triggering all the interactions and questions must be on top of everything else going on. But thanks for the update! Sending lots of love and light your way.

  18. This was so mean I was me my pregnancy I prayed for enough strength to just get through and birth my baby. I was always sick and drained and my family and friendships were going left. I was so proud in the end I delivered a 9 pound baby and set some boundaries with people that continued to overstep them! Sending you love and light and a more blissful pregnancy

  19. I have followed you for a few years and have really come to see you as a long-distant cousin who I vibe with from afar. I noticed your absence on the gram and came searching for you. I am so, so happy to see that you’re taking care of you and yours. I guess I’ll start paying more attention to the blog now!

  20. I am so glad I came across this article! I was wondering why you hadn’t been posting. It is so important to take time for you. As much as social media can be a great thing, it’s a part of our society that we often need a “vacation” from, just like school, work, etc. Take care of you and sending many blessings to baby! 😊

  21. TY! For this entry. I have been feeling extremely guilty for my pregnancy rage and for feeling miserable most of the time. I wish you and baby Raymer the best and to all the mommys to be experiencing this WE WILL GET THROUGH IT!

  22. Girl you had me being an IG detective once I realized you were gone! I’m so glad you’re doing well and taking time for yourself! Hope you rage lets up!! xoxo

  23. Hi I would like to start off by saying I’m so happy you and the baby is fine and as a mother and fellow Scorpio I understand the pregnancy rage all too well like you stated drinking water and getting a good nights sleep helps a little anyway I just want you to be encouraged and that’s with God on your side you’ll be alright sending love, light, and positive vibes your way ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  24. Great post, Lovely! Lorrrrt, I had to snap my fingers on the “unsolicited advice and requests to share more than you already over-share”. The nature of the beast but still exhausting. IG does have a new feature where you can post a pic and then turn off the comments so no one can leave any. 😜 Miss your face but if it’s keeping you out of jail and some poor gal off of The First 48, then take all the time you need boo!! Lol -Shay (@theprinceandthep)

  25. So glad to know you and baby are doing well. I think you dropped a lot of important reminders which all boil down to focusing on your star player:Kenya! I’m wishing you light and love and people who share these same intentions during such a special time in your life!

  26. So funny! And I’m not laughing at you but can totally relate.. I didn’t have rage while pregnant but my sister absolutely did. She was a nightmare and had to have a “vacation” from our MOTHER of all people. She literally told our mom that she could not be around her for about 6 months because she triggered her so hard. Hope you’re able to find some peace in the next few months!

  27. Oh gosh, where do I begin? You just wrote my whole life right now, 16 weeks strong. I admit it … I had a meltdown tonight, so this was right on time. That part about #pregnancyrage because your partner is breathing gave me a cackle as he snores next to me. And my grateful but miserable pregnant self is relieved I’m not the only one awake and peeing when everyone else on earth seems to be resting easy. Thanks for sharing a piece of you. I needed the common ground. Have a peaceful rest of your pregnancy. Namaste

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