F*ckboys & Fauxlationships

Yesterday, I talked briefly about walking away from an unhealthy relationship, that if I’m being honest, I always knew deep down was some bullshit. It started off as a friendship, turned flirty, then became physical, and somehow I built a whole relationship in my head, on some bullshit. Yea, he contributed with empty promises, but who believed them after he continued to show me otherwise…
We never went on dates, we barely saw each other, and we only communicated when I reached out, but when I threatened to stop participating in the fauxlationship, he protested. That meant he cared, right?! Yes. He cared about himself.

And, he was winning. I was driving his ass around town, sleeping with him, and being his biggest fan. I wouldn’t want to lose all that either!

We did this for months. I accounted for him, to my friends and to myself. When I had a bat in my house, he didn’t come help. He told me to call an exterminator and I rationalized this because he did live on the other side of town. When he came back in town from a trip and didn’t come to see me, I said he was going through some things and needed space. When he wouldn’t call me back and say he fell asleep, I would agree that he had a long day. When I would see him out, after he said he didn’t know what he was doing, I would understand that last minute plans come up! And when he made a post on Instagram with other women, I wanted to trust him when he said that they were just old friends..


But, I knew better. I had always known better. The more I jumped through hoops and made allowances for him, in hopes that he would see me, the less I liked me.

So, I made the post, you know the one with his “old friends,” his contact picture. And, every time he called and every time he text me, I saw what a fuckboy he was, literally! I started to answer less and stay open more. I started dating other people. I started dating myself.

I took myself to dinner. I took myself to the movies. And, I took myself to lunches at cafes that were way too cute for fuckboys. I spent time with myself, and the longer I spent with myself, the more I realized that I no longer wanted to spend any time in a relationship that wasn’t making me happy, wasn’t making me better, or wasn’t good for me. That’s not love and it doesn’t have the potential to be.

Listen, it’s ok to play with the fuckboys.


They’re everywhere and they’re for everyone! Go out with them, laugh with them, have good times, and have good sex with them, but don’t build false hopes around them. Don’t build faux relationships and invest in something that only exists in your head and doesn’t make you feel good. You know better.

If it doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t make your life easy, and doesn’t make you better, that is not love. That is comfort mixed with fear. You deserve much more, from others and from yourself. Choose you, love you, and be happy.

xok

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Kenya Raymer is a writer, blogger, dancer and the hostess of the natural-hair meet up Curls & Cocktails. She is a self-love enthusiast who uses her natural-hair platform as a space to discuss hair and all things beautiful & real. She is loving in Nashville, TN, where she promotes the local eats, animal rescue, self-awareness, personal growth, happiness and finding comfort in your own skin.

38 thoughts on “F*ckboys & Fauxlationships

  1. Thank you for this Kenya. As a young woman you give me so much Inspiration. Somehow the universe knew exactly what I needed to hear and exactly at the right time.

  2. First and foremost Kenya I am a huge fan; well idk fan is the right word! I admire you and your awesome blog and curls and cocktails events. I once met you in Atlanta with my cousin. I love this blog post I was dealing with the exact same thing right before meeting my husband at Barnes and noble haha so crazy I know. It’s amazing how people truly come into your life for a reason and perfect timing. Please, continue with your inspirational movement through blog posting, IG and all of the above. You have made me even more confidant of being a young black woman with natural hair when I didn’t always love it now I rock it out girl!

  3. That was goooooooddd! How many of us are guilty of this foolishness! Life is so rich when you stop playing yourself and dig into something real

  4. Thanks for this! I was engaged to a fuckboy, a old ass damn near 50 year fuckboy!! It’s been over for years but this still is good to my soul!

  5. Great perspective, for more often women fall into these imaginary relationships because they refuse to see what is clearly present. But as you stated have fun no doubt just take it fir what it is not what your dream is.

  6. sooooo SPOT ON!!!!! I’ve dealt with a few fuckboys!!! I’ve just recently the last 4 years stated doing things I like to do even if it means doing things on my own! Thank you for this! You’ve gained a fan tonight!!😁

  7. I’m so glad to be delivert…lol! When I think about all the ones I dealt with, I could hang my head in shame. I was all about a fauxlationship but Iike you said, I decided to choose me. I learned to love me more. Great post, Kenya!

  8. Just went through this with a slightly different twist..if not now then when??? I walked away yesterday and pray thta i stay strong enough…

  9. Great post shared it with many friends who prob needed this “word” right at THIS moment! I did too, thanks chile… Bey! Xoxo

  10. I’m a 45 year old who finally got the strength to leave a “fuckboy” I held on to almost 4 years. Your blog was spot on and I wish that more women could, read this and react according and love self first. Continue delivering your messages , I have become a follower.

  11. I too got caught up with a “fuckboy” just recently here in my City after going back on my promise to myself not to date in my City…He actually ran the whole “looking for a wife” roll, and lived up to the part until he slipped up one day…Now he’s hitting me with the “I miss you texts”…I’m sure you do!!! Have a nice life “fuckboy”!

  12. This is almost scary to read. It’s as if you have told me my own story. The truth hurts, but knowledge is power. Thank you for this. #CurrentlyLovingMe

  13. It’s empowering to read this, and all the comments other woman have posted. I’ve spent a lot of time blaming myself and feeling like an idiot for a past relationship that ended with virtually no explanation. It certainly takes two to tango, but he is a fuckboy without a doubt.

  14. If this isn’t the gospel according to the truth! This perfectly describes them. One even called me after I posted this to ask if this was about him. Well, if the shoe fits!

  15. You had me until you said keep phucking with phuckboys, but get out of fauxlationships…I would add drop them all together! Let’s make space for what we do want, not phuckboys…as a ex-phuckboy owner lol my advice would be that you never will win with them…they arent your friend, home, phuckbuddy….phuckboys come to slay…your energy, time, love, sanity and space for what you do want 😊✌🏾

  16. I enjoyed reading this and there for a minute I thought of myself and a relationship I was in that recently ended. Of course he fed me lies, made me think we would be more in the future, told me he didn’t want anyone else, took me around his family, and always made comments about wanting me to have his twins. Six months later I messed up, told a lie confessed it and apologized. Nothing I could do would make things better and let him forgive me. Now I’m over here heart broken, and crying over him every day. I must say he is a fuck boy, I deserve so much better.

  17. “I started dating myself.” That was the best line right there. That is my truth, it’s always been my truth. Even when I forget about it, I always find my way back to it. I still date myself on the regular and I’ve been married for a hundred years. I am actually my OWN chick on the side. If my man doesn’t stay correct, I’ll be leaving him…for HER.

  18. I’ve been following you on ig for about 2 months something told me to just check your blog out. Wow I recently turned 41 and I swear for years all I ever met were fuckboys. I blocked one that I been going back and fourth with for 4 years but what’s so crazy we only see each other twice a year we’ll twice a year of bullshit and I just completely blocked him on everything. For once in my life I feel relieved and to know that I’m not the only one that felt like this and had a name for it lol made me feel I’m on the right path blessing to you and your lovely family

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