Goodbye summer, and hello fall.
Goodbye cycle one, and hello cycle two…
Yesterday, I talked my doctor into a pregnancy test on my blood work, because I was too impatient to wait 9 more days. I got the NEGATIVE news late last night and thought I was fine. This morning I was not fine. I was sad. It took me awhile to get here, to be ready. I feel like I’ve been in transition for far too long, and I’m ready, deserving, dare I say entitled to, a positive outcome.
I love new adventures and new chapters, but I hate the space we must move through to get to there. I don’t like transition. I don’t like the uncertainty and the anxiety that accompanies it. And as I moved through the day, I realized that I was transitioning out of a space that I love and into one I’m not to fond of. Goodbye summer. Hello Fall.
But this afternoon, I am much better. I cried. I mourned the sun, the heat, the long days, and cycle one. I meditated, practiced yoga, killed a swarm of wasps that invaded during yoga, ate some olives, and I am moving on. I am moving forward. I am moving through.
Maybe I was charging all summer. Absorbing the sun, healing in the water, storing energy manifesting light, so I would be ready for fall. Ready for the harvest. Ready to shed these leaves of fear and insecurity. Maybe, all of this was to make sure I was ready for the last quarter. Maybe this is an extension of my transition.
Either way, I’m here. I’m in this space and I can’t go around. I must go through. And, I’m committed to loving myself through whatever is on the other side.
*please, please be a baby on the other side. A girl. Or twins if it can be one boy & one girl bc I’m all about efficiency. And, please let it happen soon because I’m impatient as fuck! thank you💚*